Tax Day Omens

The tax forms are in the mail. That and other tall tales can be told on this, the holiest of government days, tax day. Mine were pretty simple this year, just one W-2 and some miscellaneous income to report. My poor daughter, on the other hand, had to deal with things that I, bad parent that I am, never prepared her for. We got through it together.

So where’s the omen part, you ask? This wouldn’t be odd if I lived in some rural county, but I live in a city, the third largest city in Alabama, in fact. I work on a nice campus with lots of buildings and several industrial sites. We’re near the airport for cheese sake, but that makes it all the more strange to see a coyote running beside the highway.

My brain couldn’t accept it when I saw those ears and long tail streaking down the shoulder. At first, I thought it was a fox, but my brain said, “Too big for a fox.” Then I thought it had to be a stray dog, but my brain fought back with, “Look, dummy. It’s a coyote.” It dashed across the highway in front of me and up the other shoulder. The guy in front of me couldn’t believe it either. I almost ran him over as he slowed to gawk.

I wondered if the coyote and I would meet in the parking lot when I got to work, since we were both headed in that direction, but it swerved off towards the Kohler plant. I guess it needed to place an order for some coyote-sized bathroom fixtures.

Scavenging coyotes and taxes. A fitting tribute to our tax code. On April 15^th, don’t you feel just a little picked over by Washington D.C.? I don’t mind paying my fair share. It’s the ridiculous tome the tax code has evolved into that bugs me. All those freakin’ forms! I spent 15 minutes filling out one worksheet, only to have TurboTax come back and say, “We’ll use the standard deduction.” Argh!

Write you member of Congress and tell them you want the tax code scrapped and feed to coyotes. Tell them you want the Fair Tax.

Head Down, Busy Busy, Busy, and FU IRS

I love my job. I really do. Solving puzzles is fun and that’s what I get paid to do. “I deal with the customers so the engineers don’t have to.” Wait! I’m the engineer, too. Oh, crap.

I’ve been so tied up earning a living, I haven’t had time to keep the blog up very well. April Fools Day was a blast. I really enjoyed writing and reading all the digs (Note: that’s digs not diggs. Even as a techno-geek, I find digg boring.) the blog-o-sphere created for the annual event.

Once the infernal taxes are filed, I’ll start planning next year’s joke. Taxes are a necessary suckness, made easier by guys like me. We take the tax code and turn it into a computer program in your web browser and in less than an hour, your taxes are done. Thank you computer nerds. I’d like to put us all out of a job with something like the Fair Tax. I’d end up paying more, but the stress reduction would be worth it.

If you’re curious, my effective tax rate was 9.72%, but I got a huge deduction for sending socks, Q-Tips, and lip-balm to some soldiers in Iraq. Kind of sad I had to do that, but I’m happy for the line item.

No Check for You: the IRS Will Make Sure Your Rebate is Spent Right

Category: Your Tax Dollars at Work.

It has been said the second most frightening words in the English language are, “Hi. I’m from the government.” When this is followed by, “…and I’m here to help you,” you should run. Run as fast as you can with that load in your pants. In that vain, the IRS has decided it knows best how you should spend their…er…your money.

The IRS wants to make sure those “economic stimulus” checks do their intended job of being dumped back into the economy. To prevent high-risk citizens from just paying off their credit cards instead of buying washing machine, the IRS has started sending goods instead of money. Who is “high-risk” will be determined solely by the IRS.

I heard this story on the drive home from work on Market Place. I admit, I’m a NPR junkie. It’s great programming and just a little naughty. I don’t donate to NPR, but still sneak a listen as often as possible. Just a little danger to spice up my life. It’s like ordering the Club Sandwich. I’m not a member of the club, but the waiter never asks for ID and I put one over on him every time.

Here is a link to the printed story on the Market Place web site.

Here is a direct link to the audio version of the story. Much more interesting if you have the bandwidth. Be sure to listen all the way to the end for information on how you can help stop this silliness.