More Stupid Things On Radio and Television

When news breaks out, we break in.
My local talk radio station uses this tag line one hundred times a day. I have yet to figure out how the news can get a rash. More over, why are the itchy people at the station burglarizing my house when the news gets the aforementioned rash? They’ve really got me paranoid over this and they won’t shut up. I’ve taken to sitting with a shotgun on my porch all day, listening to talk radio, and waiting for those thieving bastards to show up. It’s really cutting into my social life.

What is the Independent Film Channel (IFC) hiding?
IFC uses the tag line “movies, uncut.” Is there a hidden message here? It just sounds anti-Semitic to me. That’s all I have to say about that.

The king of prepositions.
Television weather reports drive me insane. How many prepositions can one put in a sentence? I’ve heard “This storm is moving on off to the East,” from Mr. Perfect Hair so many times, I’ll mow him down in a parking lot if given the chance. But I’ll give the weather reporter the benefit of the doubt. They have a useless job. A quick look out the window can replace them.

The one time I needed them, they weren’t there. I looked out the window and it was hailing. Around here, that usually means tornado. I searched the television for an urgent weather statement only to find none. What? My cars are getting pelted and no one but me cares? You perfect haired bastards. I hope the top was down on your convertible that day.

When the phase “The temperature outside is currently…” popped out of my car radio, I wanted to drive my car into on-coming traffic. Really? Outside as opposed to in your studio or my house? Outside, the common place where temperature is recorded, is that what you are really trying to tell me, you golden-voiced bastard? Next you’ll be telling me the temperature at the airport because everyone hangs out at the airport all day and…”It is currently 81 degrees at the airport.” Shit.

I hear things on radio and television that turn my brain off. I wake up half-an-hour later with my brain spinning. This is most annoying while driving, not only for me, but the other drivers who are careening around the highway trying to avoid my zombie-like driving. Obviously, my brain is wired differently than most.