abrasive · abusive · annoying · beard · fun · funny · humor · Life · sarcasm · sarcastic · shave · slack

Annoying Expression #34

As a addendum to my 33 Annoying Expressions that Killed Our Conversation, allow me to add #34.

Over the end-of-year holidays, I took some time off from work…all kinds of work…including shaving. By the time 2008 rolled in, I had to make a decision. I had to either shave or put a crowbar in my wallet and free $20 for a decent beard trimmer. As cheap as I am, I chose to keep my beard and opted for the trimmers. Now I am assaulted frequently with annoying expression number 34: “Hey, you’re trying to grow a beard.”

Some of my snappy comebacks are “No. It’s grown,” and “Trying? No. I’m doing a damn fine job of it” and “I have to do something with all this testosterone since your wife cut me off.” Grabbing my face like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone and screaming, “Where the hell did this come from?” hasn’t offered the impact I’d hoped.

The reason “Hey, you’re trying to grow a beard” grinds my gears is men are always growing beards. That’s the whole point of shaving every day. By shaving, we men are constantly trying not to grow beards.

Which makes me think of a new witty comeback for the next clean-shaved dunderhead who accosts me with this annoying expression. “I see you’re trying not to, putz.” I should just start walking up to people and saying that without provocation. Lord knows I can be annoying, too. My skills may go soft if I don’t practice more.


3 thoughts on “Annoying Expression #34

  1. I usually just say, “No I’m not trying to grow a beard, my face just saw you coming and is trying to hide.” or “No my regular job is as the wolf man but I’ve been on vacation and have to go back to work soon.” or “No the wife and I are thinking about buying new carpet and since we like to do it on the floor a lot I’m trying out the different naps on my face.” or “I liked the feel of your wife’s hay hay so much I decided to grow this stubble to constantly remind me. By the way is she ever going to have those venereal warts removed?” or “I would have shaved but they are no longer allowing me to use things with sharp edges especially when I’m around annoying people who ask stupid questions”. Hope these help you out. I’v got more if you need them.

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