Laws That Belong in the Toilet


Until about a month ago, no one had any problems using a public toilet. Today, a significant majority of our population is literally scared shitless. There have been no reports of rampant attacks by transgender or non-binary people in public restrooms. Still, our politicians have managed to manufacture a solution to a problem that doesn’t exist and sell us the fear behind the salvation of their new laws. Here’s everything wrong with “using the restroom of your birth gender” laws.

It doesn’t solve a non-existent problem
No one is reporting attacks in restrooms. Your children are in no more danger today than they were this time last year. Were you even thinking about this last year. No? When did this become a big concern for you? Oh, right, in just the last few weeks since the lawmakers told you it was a huge problem. Starting to see a pattern here?

It creates problems instead of solving them
It is highly probable that a male-to-female transgender, forced to use a men’s room, will face physical violence from homo/trans-phobic men. This is a much more likely scenario than a pedophile dressed as a women using a public restroom as the location for a complicated, very public kidnapping plot. These laws actually increase the likelihood of crime. They don’t reduce it.

The law doesn’t match the intent
The politicians assure us that these laws are to protect our daughters, wives, and mothers. And I call shenanigans. If these were laws to curtail sexual predators, they would target sexual predators in their language. The language of these bills and laws is totally focused on transgender people, who have a very, very, very, low probability, yea, insignificant history of, sexual predatory behavior. A glaring omission in the laws is how it protects our sons and brothers from male pedophiles which make up a larger percentage of the population than transgenders. There’s no protection under these laws. If you’re worried about your daughter’s safety, the possibility of her being attacked by a cross-dressing pervert is the same with or without these laws. How practical is it to chase a woman if you are wearing heals and a dress anyway?

The law offers impractical solutions
Even if the problem the politicians have scared their homophobic voter base into believing did exist, the wording of these laws make them unenforceable. There’s no money to hire restroom attendants with police powers. There’s no money to station police outside restrooms to check ID and birth certificates. Even if we did manage to police all public restrooms, who would the victim be? Does someone quietly taking a whiz in the stall next to you ladies rattle you so much that your own stream freezes and you get kidney disease from holding it? That would be about the only way someone breaking this law could be prosecuted because using the wrong restroom isn’t a criminal offense. Under these poorly worded laws, it is a civil offense. It would be up to the injured party to press charges. So unless you can prove you were harmed by the hermaphrodite’s dump, these laws are powerless to protect you. About the best you can hope for are more courtesy flushes.

The law offers no alternatives
If this was really such a huge concern, then building codes should be changed to specify single-unit restrooms with locking doors in all public facilities. I call it the Thunderdome code; one man enters; one man leaves (the fan on hopefully).

They’re laughing at you
Politicians know that we have become a country of partisan cowards. We fear everything. We analyze nothing. We react on impulse. We don’t understand statistics. They know this and manufacture these situations so they can be the shining knights riding in to save us from the dastardly “others” who don’t look like us, speak like us, or dress like us. This keeps them in power and money while we live in faux fear of anything that smells slightly foreign. If you support these ridiculous toilet laws, you need to remember the new terror slogan: “If you smell something, say something.” I hope they’re hiring more 911 operators to field all the “suspicious deuce” calls that are going to flood in.

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7 Comments

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  1. Question? I haven’t read the actual text of the laws yet… but what about a person who has already had the reassignment surgery? Are they included? Because if the point is to keep children from seeing a penis, think about that… someone wasn’t really thinking this through then. Those who were born female, reassigned male, would now have to use female bathrooms, but they have penises…..

    That’s why I’m curious about the wording. You know, with reassignment, it’s supposed to be completely legally changed in your gender, including your ID, so competent unenforceable, but still, if they HAVE to use the bathroom of birth gender. I guess i should go read it.

    • The North Carolina law says specifically, “use the restroom of your birth gender.” It makes no exception for post-surgical transgenders. This tells why these laws have nothing to do with safety or sexual predators. The lawmakers prejudicially assume all transgender people are sexual predators, when, in fact, the transgender community has much, much fewer (percentage-wise) predators and pedophiles than the rest of society.

      • As a current resident of NC…. our “esteemed” governor has a “solution”. Change your birth certificate. Cause, you know, everyone carries a copy around with them to flash to concerned citizens in a restroom.

  2. Randy, this may well be the best discussion of these laws I have read to date. Thank you!

  3. Wives, mothers, and daughters must feel much more safe now that they have to share ladies rooms with males (female to male transgenders).

  4. Actually, Randy my dear, you are wrong. There are attacks in restrooms- a lot of them. Transgender people get attacked too frequently in public bathrooms. It is disgusting. These laws make it so much worse.

  5. You can certainly see your enthusiasm in the work you write. The arena hopes for more passionate writers such as you who aren’t afraid to say how they believe. Always go after your heart. “Every man serves a useful purpose A miser, for example, makes a wonderful ancestor.” by Laurence J. Peter.

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