No! Not That Button. The Other Button. No! Crap!


I was going to make a video last Sunday. I did make a video last Sunday. Eight or nine minutes rambling about the new Jeep Patriot we bought on Saturday. I thought it would make a good, first-person, real-owner review. I plugged my camera into my laptop to transfer my Oscar®-winning performance, clicked a few icons and *POOF*, I deleted the video in mid-transfer. OK. OK. That’s OK. I’ll call it a rehearsal. Yeah, rehearsal. I went to my seldom-used, internal, happy place and found the word “rehearsal.” As I found my center, I started wondering why rehearsal is spelled the way it is. It just looks weird like it has an extra “a” in it. No wonder I don’t go to my happy place more often. There are just too many useless thoughts in here. Get back on topic. Focus, Randy. Yes. There were some long-winded sections in that rehearsal that needed some editing. Oh, and I forgot to mention that thing about the interior. So, rehearsal, yeah, rehearsal.

Crap! I deleted the fracking video! Ten minutes of my life that…OM…OM…OM…rehearsal…rehearsal…You can do better, Randy. It’s was just ones and zeros. No one was injured. Ah, screw it! This happy place is stupid.

So a re-shoot is on deck. I’ll make another video of my wife’s new Jeep this week. I promise. Yep, you read that correctly. She wanted a Jeep. There’s a story behind that and I’m about to tell it. Get a drink and a snack.

Last year, my wife decided she wanted to try mystery shopping. For some reason, the mystery shopping company thought she would be good at shopping car dealerships. She wanted me to go with her to make it look more genuine. So I did and we ended up at a Jeep/Dodge/something-or-other dealership. While I was drooling over the Dodge Durango…deep comfortable seat having, AC outlets everywhere plugging, a muther-truckin’ HEMI growling, no visibility to speak of, but who needs it, people will get out of your way, road-owning, Dodge Durango…she was looking at the Jeep Patriot. The feature she like most? The seats where high and it made it easy to get in and out. That’s it. The seat height was all she really cared about, but you can’t fault her. She has mobility problems and I must admit, it is easy to get in and out of.

So I test drove the 2.0 liter scooter powered, high seat having, panoramic view gawking, classic 7 slot grill sporting, Jeep Patriot. She happily sat in the easily accessible back seat where she had surprisingly copious amounts of leg-room. Oh, and the mystery shop? That dealership didn’t get high marks. Mainly, the salesman focused on me and ignored the little lady. Big mistake, Bubba. I tried to hang back and let her take the lead, but the salesman was having none of it. Big mistake, Bubba.

Months passed. Sunrise. Sunset. You know the song. We find ourselves in the present moment of a sunny, soon to be rainy, August Saturday. With bellies full of IHOP deliciousness, we headed for a different, and much closer, Jeep/Dodge/something-or-other dealership. She was hoping to find a blue version of the Patriot until she saw the purple shades of blue in person. Not quite the blue she had in mind. Suddenly, the cherry red was very appealing.

We did our research. We watched and read endless reviews. We even pre-qualified the car loan. We were still confused by the different option packages. We settled on the Jeep Patriot Latitude, option package 24B. That has the smaller 2.0 liter engine, but my wife doesn’t do a lot of off-roading, at least, not on purpose. Beyond the high seats, she discovered they were also heated. Bonus! Sirius radio trial included and there is an all-Elvis station. Bonus! Cruise control. Semi-bonus. Steering wheel mounted radio controls. Bonus! These are the things that tripped her trigger and it’s her car, so those are the ones that count.

I, on the other hand, like the 6-speed automatic transmission with optional, clutchless manual mode. Bonus! The cargo area’s 53.5 cubic feet of space. Bonus! Well, it beats my Honda Civic. And, darn it, I have to admit, those seats are easy to get in and out of.

I promise I’ll make that video, but in the meantime, I found something else to rant about. What else could it be but politics? Enjoy this video diversion while I try to remember which buttons to press.


Glass Tax Houses brought to you by Mitt Romney, Barack Obama, & Harry Reid…the new 3 Stooges.

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One Comment

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  1. Congrats on the new ride, man. Love the video, cuz it is so true on many levels. No politician really cares about actual issues, but rather keeps their finger on the pulse of American Zeitgeist (probably from tracking Facebook ‘likes’ on political postings and memes) and tailors their deceptive double-speak to try and manipulate the idiot masses into re-electing them. Like Biden’s recent gaffe, Obama won’t touch Reid’s statement with a ten-fool poll (I didn’t misspell, btw).

    If he denounces him, his butt-kissing base will attack him. If he backs him up, his enemies will fry him. Having been an advocate for Democracy all my life, it is in my older years I am starting to see the folly in it. Nietzsche was right, as it seems to bring out not real leaders, but rather cowards, hucksters, and panderers. For that matter, Reid oughta put his mulah where his poll-smoker(sic) is and bring out all HIS tax returns for the past 10 years, if he’s so concerned about such things.

    Lastly, ‘fix the tax code’? That is a pipe dream if I ever heard one. The current confusing tax code is way too advantageous to our rulers. Talk about keeping honest Americans who are only trying to do the right thing walking a slippery, wobbly tightrope! Anyhoo, I dig your take on our assholes-in-charge here, but alas, I have come to reluctantly accept that they’re here to stay, and our only recourse for survival is to be as deceptive with them as they are with us (“Fight fire with fire, I always say” – Bugs Bunny, “Operation: Rabbit”)

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