Fighting the Bigoted Fight: The Florida Family Association


The morons at the Florida Family Association (FFA, not to be confused with Future Farmers of America who do great work) were brought to my attention by my politically active daughter. I took one look at the FFA web site and thought, “Oh, I’ve seen these muthurfuckers before when they were the KKK.”

Their modus operandi is:

  1. Create a self-delusion that they are fighting for “Christian principles.”
  2. Target a company that doesn’t fit their bigoted, narrow-minded world view.
  3. Create an email/letter campaign to pressure the company to stop advertising during TV shows they don’t agree with and/or are selling products they don’t like.
  4. Claim victory when the targeted company folds under the pressure.
  5. Go to extreme lengths to pretend they’re fighting a good fight based on faith and not fear.
  6. Rinse and repeat.

What got my attention was the FFA’s current campaign against the show All American Muslim. Apparently, there is something sinister in interviewing regular, middle-class Americans who happen to follow Islam. FFA has decided this TV show must embody all that is wrong with Islam and nothing that is right. The advertisers just need to be made aware of what a mistake it is to support terrorism by running commercials during the broadcast and axial tilt of the Earth will be a perfect 23.5°

But now they’ve fucked with my favorite store, Lowe’s, and those pussies at Lowe’s punked-out. My daughter suggested everyone contact Lowe’s and let them know what giant cowards they are, but I thought it better to contact the source. The idea of asking the FFA all my hardware questions was actually her’s. It’s a brilliant strategy.

I encourage everyone to contact the FFA and start posing questions you would have normally asked in the targeted store of your choice. They’ve messed with a everyone from Lowe’s to Circle K to Macy’s, so there is plenty of fodder for this email campaign.

Here’s the email I’ve sent to the FFA:

Dear Florida Family Ass.,

Objective achieved! The extreme xenophobia you exude in the form of harassing advertisers of any media vehicle you deem unfit, has paid off. The pressure you put on Lowe’s simply because they advertised during a show about Muslims caused my favorite home improvement store to fold under the strain of your dictatorial tactics.

Obviously, I can no longer do business with a company like Lowe’s that so easily punks out when threatened by delusional, spineless, cowardly addlepates such as those who make up your organization. The hardware store is one of the last place of true masculine bravura left in this world and you have castrated Lowe’s.

As the responsible party, you are obligated to fill this new void you created in my life. I have nowhere to take my questions about plumbing, electrical repair, or carpentry. I do speak regularly with a carpenter, but carpentry was really his step-father’s vocation. His specialty is more along the lines of philosophy and metaphysics. He, by the way, thinks your actions are deplorable and wishes you would not mention his name in conjunction with your bigotry.

I will now send all my home repair questions directly to you. I will also order all my hardware supplies through your web site. You must comply since you’ve made Lowe’s off limits to me. I am currently in need of 2 lbs. of 10-penny nails. Do you accept PayPal?

Sincerely,
Someone with a brain who can see through your racist façade.

They no doubt claim their faith has lead them to take all these actions, but true faith brings peace and inner strength. Their actions are the results of fear. They fear and lash out at those different from their small group of drones. Their organization’s vitriolic views are simply white supremacy for the digital age. Their web site is little more than a 21st century Ku Klux Klan meeting. Grand Wizard…er…Executive Director, David Caton, is so white, he makes a mayonnaise sandwich look like a bag of Skittles.

So please, send the FFA an email. You can copy mine above or make up your own. Ask them about small appliances since they think Target is the devil. Ask them to bring you coffee and donuts since Circle K is out-of-bounds. Ask them to send you a vending machine since buying a Snickers bar from the evil Mars Corporation supports suicide bombers. Use your imagination and your keyboard to let these evil, white-supremacist muthurfuckers know you’re on to them.

P.S. Once you’ve sent your email, take a break and enjoy The Daily Show with Jon Stewart‘s take on the FFA.

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14 Comments

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  1. Congratulations! You’ve come to realize how dangerous religion can be. Now, if you could see that the FFA is truly a devout, biblically-based Christian organization – just like the WBC, you won’t be able to avoid seeing just how silly this religion business really is. All their crazy talk really is in that book of Bronze Age fables. And that’s why I’ve abandoned all of it. Again, congratulations. You made the first step towards reason. You are, in fact, one of the reasons I do not write all religious people off.

  2. You know how to put that squiggly thing under the c in “facade”, which is a foreign word… clearly, you are further beyond redemption than a flattened soda can, you elitist Devil worshiper. Accordingly, your email has been printed up so it may be placed on the stack of literature for burning at next Tuesday’s meeting.

  3. And this is why I shop at Home Depot. Not that I know anything about their heroic/cowardly doings –I just love to randomly yell “Home Depot!” Seriously.

    Sharing this…and not just because I want to subject other people to massive candy cravings.

  4. Go Randy go! I already told the hubby he can’t shop at Lowes anymore when I first read it, but I love your idea of emailing the FFA directly.

  5. I tried to send the following but it seems their site censors certain things. I guess I’ll have to reword it.

    Since you don’t like Lowes I guess I need to order my hardware from you.

    Please send me one toiler plunger, you know, the kind that will fit over your foul mouth with one end, and up your foul ass on the other end.

    Preaching hate is the last thing in the world Jesus would want Christians to do, q.e.d., you are about as far from being Christian (or Muslim, or Buddhist, or any other organized religion) as it is possible to be and still inhabit our universe.

    I don’t like you in our universe, neither does Jesus, Muhammed, Buddha, etc. Please leave. Now.

    This one wouldn’t go either:

    Since you don’t like Lowes I guess I need to order my hardware from you.

    Please send me one toiler plunger, you know, the kind that will fit over your foul mouth with one end, and up your foul other orifice as well.

    Preaching hate is the last thing in the world Jesus would want Christians to do, q.e.d., you are about as far from being Christian (or Muslim, or Buddhist, or any other organized religion) as it is possible to be and still inhabit our universe.

    I don’t like you in our universe, neither does Jesus, Muhammed, Buddha, etc. Please leave. Now.

  6. The 2:18 post was from Temblor, not Te

  7. Maybe they’ve shut their site down or are blocking all incoming messages?

  8. I, too, am boycotting Lowe’s. As far as the FFA goes, you can’t fix stupid.

  9. My son goes to school near Dearborn where “All-American Muslim” is filmed. His roommate and best bud is an Albanian Islamic and he has many Chaldean friends. We are Catholics who swim against our collectiive stream politically and our son’s Islamic buddy and his family aren’t particularly staunch in their faith. What I don’t get is where all this militant Islam is supposed to be? Dearborn is the biggest population outside of the Middle East and there are no uprisings, jihads, etc.Okay, they serve an optional halal in the schools and do the adhan five times a day. Who cares? Does that hurt anyone? No. I think if they were such a huge problem as they FFA says, we near Detroit would know more about than folks who are half a country away. I’m getting sick of that Terry Jones and that guy from TheCall harassing our Muslim neighbors and friends.

    As per Lowe’s caving, welcome to big business run by little cowards. I miss our local hardware stores. And grocery stores. And restaurants. And shoe stores. And all mom and pops. Most all are out of business. We tried to support them, but the corporate megaliths were just too powerful.

  10. http://news.yahoo.com/detroit-islamic-community-reacts-lowes-boycott-191400832.html– An article I wrote last week. Interestingly, Yahoo! News snipped out my list of other companies that pulled their support for AAM. They include: Airborne Vitamin, Amway, Diamond Foods, Dyson Vacuum, Estee Lauder, HTC Phones, Home Depot, McDonald’s, Petsmart, Pfizer, Sears, Sonic, T-Mobil and Wal-Mart.

    (Story continues below)

    Read more: Advertisers fleeing ‘All-American Muslim’ ‘propaganda’ http://www.wnd.com/?pageId=370461#ixzz1h13O3JZo

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