The morons at the Florida Family Association (FFA, not to be confused with Future Farmers of America who do great work) were brought to my attention by my politically active daughter. I took one look at the FFA web site and thought, “Oh, I’ve seen these muthurfuckers before when they were the KKK.”
Their modus operandi is:
- Create a self-delusion that they are fighting for “Christian principles.”
- Target a company that doesn’t fit their bigoted, narrow-minded world view.
- Create an email/letter campaign to pressure the company to stop advertising during TV shows they don’t agree with and/or are selling products they don’t like.
- Claim victory when the targeted company folds under the pressure.
- Go to extreme lengths to pretend they’re fighting a good fight based on faith and not fear.
- Rinse and repeat.
What got my attention was the FFA’s current campaign against the show All American Muslim. Apparently, there is something sinister in interviewing regular, middle-class Americans who happen to follow Islam. FFA has decided this TV show must embody all that is wrong with Islam and nothing that is right. The advertisers just need to be made aware of what a mistake it is to support terrorism by running commercials during the broadcast and axial tilt of the Earth will be a perfect 23.5°
But now they’ve fucked with my favorite store, Lowe’s, and those pussies at Lowe’s punked-out. My daughter suggested everyone contact Lowe’s and let them know what giant cowards they are, but I thought it better to contact the source. The idea of asking the FFA all my hardware questions was actually her’s. It’s a brilliant strategy.
I encourage everyone to contact the FFA and start posing questions you would have normally asked in the targeted store of your choice. They’ve messed with a everyone from Lowe’s to Circle K to Macy’s, so there is plenty of fodder for this email campaign.
Here’s the email I’ve sent to the FFA:
Dear Florida Family Ass.,
Objective achieved! The extreme xenophobia you exude in the form of harassing advertisers of any media vehicle you deem unfit, has paid off. The pressure you put on Lowe’s simply because they advertised during a show about Muslims caused my favorite home improvement store to fold under the strain of your dictatorial tactics.
Obviously, I can no longer do business with a company like Lowe’s that so easily punks out when threatened by delusional, spineless, cowardly addlepates such as those who make up your organization. The hardware store is one of the last place of true masculine bravura left in this world and you have castrated Lowe’s.
As the responsible party, you are obligated to fill this new void you created in my life. I have nowhere to take my questions about plumbing, electrical repair, or carpentry. I do speak regularly with a carpenter, but carpentry was really his step-father’s vocation. His specialty is more along the lines of philosophy and metaphysics. He, by the way, thinks your actions are deplorable and wishes you would not mention his name in conjunction with your bigotry.
I will now send all my home repair questions directly to you. I will also order all my hardware supplies through your web site. You must comply since you’ve made Lowe’s off limits to me. I am currently in need of 2 lbs. of 10-penny nails. Do you accept PayPal?
Someone with a brain who can see through your racist façade.
They no doubt claim their faith has lead them to take all these actions, but true faith brings peace and inner strength. Their actions are the results of fear. They fear and lash out at those different from their small group of drones. Their organization’s vitriolic views are simply white supremacy for the digital age. Their web site is little more than a 21st century Ku Klux Klan meeting. Grand Wizard…er…Executive Director, David Caton, is so white, he makes a mayonnaise sandwich look like a bag of Skittles.
So please, send the FFA an email. You can copy mine above or make up your own. Ask them about small appliances since they think Target is the devil. Ask them to bring you coffee and donuts since Circle K is out-of-bounds. Ask them to send you a vending machine since buying a Snickers bar from the evil Mars Corporation supports suicide bombers. Use your imagination and your keyboard to let these evil, white-supremacist muthurfuckers know you’re on to them.
P.S. Once you’ve sent your email, take a break and enjoy The Daily Show with Jon Stewart‘s take on the FFA.