Five Things You’ll Never See On My Facebook Status

The Weather
If you want to know what the weather is where I live, go to and look it up. I don’t post, “33 and snowy. Brrr!” My reasoning is two-fold. One, people only care about the weather where they are. Two, if you are where I am, you know what the weather is like. There are 10,000 places to check the weather and neither you nor I are meteorologists.

If there is a tornado ripping up my town, I might post, “Holy crap! There’s a tornado ripping up my town! If you live in the Greenlawn area, kiss your ass goodbye!” But that’s about the extent of my meteorological expertise.

Tornadoes are fairly common in my area. You should fully expect to see me post one day, “It’s coming right fer us! Well, what do you know? It really does sound like a freight train! The house is coming off its…arrrrrgggghhhhhhh!” Yes, in the interest of science, I will take the time to type “argh!” as I’m sucked into the funnel. I’ll upload pictures if time permits.

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  1. You have no clue what you’re talking about, dude. I followed your advice, and called my representative and, like, told his secretary that if the politician guy could get 1,000,000 to join my group, I’d shave my head. The secretary got all, like, huffy and totally didn’t care!

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