Here’s a new carol for those who are still shopping on Christmas Eve. It’s set to the tune O Holy Night. Sing it with feeling.
O holy crap! I forgot to buy a present,
It is a night that I soon will regret.
I drove to the mall only to find no parking.
I had to park all the way cross the street.
The stores are full, old ladies hitting children,
They are sold out of everything I need
Fall on your knees! Begging for a discount!
O night unreal, The night when I screwed up.
O holy crap! Did I just punch that store clerk?
I better run from mall security
Forget this crap, I think I find a bar.
A bar where they still all know my name.
Now I’m so drunk, I don’t remember why
I came out on such a bitter night
Run from the cops! I can’t afford the ticket.
O night unreal. The night I went to jail
O holy crap! My cell mate’s name is Bubba
He thinks that I have a real pretty mouth.
The bail bonds are closed. I even miss my in-laws.
I wish someone would come bail me out.
I’m so drunk Bubba is looking cute
This ain’t right. I really should be home.
Fall on your knees! On second thought that’s bad
O night unreal. The night when I screwed up.
Merry Xmas everyone! Here’s to another great year to come.