I am officially desensitized to death


I have a new daily task. I am a carcass sweeper. Every evening, I sweep hundreds of dead brown beetle carcasses from my walkway and driveway. More accurately, I power blow them with a Black & Decker cordless pavement sweeper. (It doesn’t have quite the power to be called a leaf blower.)

“Hundreds” is no exaggeration. There are literally hundreds of these little buggers, some still squirming, littering the front of my house. As I swept away the carcasses tonight, I said aloud, “Why do they come to me to die?” Then I remember that I installed photosensitive switches on the lights at the end of the garage. They come on automatically at dusk and turn off at dawn. The blinding 25W CFL bulbs are drawing these little insect sex fiends to their nightly orgy. Spent, they die and make my morning walk to the car precarious at least, crunchy at most.

Each evening, I carelessly sweep away the carcasses as my brain slowly desensitizes to death. I guess I have a hard time concerning myself with the killing field that is my yard. After all, these beetles are getting their one night of passion which is more than I’m getting lately.

On a side note: You may have noticed my gratuitous use of the word carcass. For a noun that means “dead animal body,” it is one of the funniest words in English. Not the definition, but the sound. Repeat it ten or twenty times. It stops sounding like a word and starts making you laugh.

Carcass. Night y’all. Carcass.

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12 Comments

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  1. Wow man! Reminds me of “lovebug” season in Orlando. You have to use the windshield wipers to see where you are going!

  2. Maybe you need to install some of those little lights on the bed post ;)

  3. Tamara L. Waters July 9, 2009 — 20:28

    Well at least they died happy. . .

  4. Benjamin Bartholomew July 9, 2009 — 22:14

    CARCASS.

  5. Yep. Simplify one area of life with automatic lights and an unintended consequence results. Pretty much how it works around our house, too.

  6. Your driveway sounds like my fishpond, minus the carcasses. Anyone wants to buy a couple of goldfish??

  7. Hell, at least it’s just beetle carcasses you gotta deal with ! We have them nasty, repulsive mole crickets! FYI, I think its funny that, in the automotive biz, they refer to the body of a tire as the ‘carcass’! So if you worked for Pep Boys, you’d get to say it every day!

  8. Mrs. theBarefoot September 2, 2009 — 13:03

    Slim pickens around the house, huh? Have you ever heard the term “less is more Mr. Smarty pants?!

  9. One year when I was little these critters literally coated the streets. I can remember the sound of our car crunching over them. It scarred me for life.

  10. highlight of my day coming across this

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