Advice · funny · Life

I Am Not Ellen DeGeneres. Thanks for Asking.

I get it all the time. People are constantly chasing me screaming, “Hey! Hey! Ellen! Hey!” People get discouraged all the time when I turn and it’s me and not Ellen DeGeneres. I don’t know when or why it started, but people always mistake me for Ellen DeGeneres. Maybe it’s the haircut, her’s not mine. Maybe it’s my girlish figure or her manly jib. I honestly don’t know, but I need to make clear that I am not Ellen DeGeneres.

As proof positive, I give you I’ve been a Twit for a couple of months. I enjoy it. I’m finding fun people. I’m making connections. I’m growing organically and have 165 followers. I’m having a blast, but along comes Ellen. That’s right. She’s shown up at Twitter (theEllenShow), but I refuse to let it start again.

Here is how you can tell us apart.

  theRealBarefoot theEllenShow Notes
Following 179 12 Her 12 are the stock Twitter preloads. I picked all mine.
Followers 165 88,872 She only joined yesterday, too.
Updates 860 16 Two of her’s were “I’m about to walk on stage.” I don’t hava a stage.
Location Sweet home Alabama Glamorous Hollywood I’m not sure, but I think her house is slightly larger than mine.
Job Software jock & part-time writer. Comedian and talk show host Not that I’m in her show demographic, but she’s a funny woman.
Internet Persona Ellen’s video about Twitter Clearly I’m taller.

DeGeneres is seen in millions of living rooms each week. I can be seen nightly in my living room by that creepy guy who pushes a shopping cart around the neighborhood unless I catch him again. DeGeneres is a funny, out-spoken woman with a TV show. I’m a funny, out-spoken man who owns a TV. She will probably have 100,000 followers before the weekend. I’ll probably not have 200. I hope you’re seeing the subtle differences.

Surely, this clarifies that I am not Ellen DeGeneres. We’re not even close in weight. She totally copied my Twitter handle though. The “the” prefix is a dead give-away. Please do not make my Twitter life an extension of my real life by confusing me with Ellen DeGeneres. I’m on the internet to escape this sort of thing.

Thank you.


7 thoughts on “I Am Not Ellen DeGeneres. Thanks for Asking.

  1. …Dang, I’ve been PM’ing the wrong person all this time.;)
    BTW: Can I be in your next show? I accidently singed up for the Ellen one.:)

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