I get it all the time. People are constantly chasing me screaming, “Hey! Hey! Ellen! Hey!” People get discouraged all the time when I turn and it’s me and not Ellen DeGeneres. I don’t know when or why it started, but people always mistake me for Ellen DeGeneres. Maybe it’s the haircut, her’s not mine. Maybe it’s my girlish figure or her manly jib. I honestly don’t know, but I need to make clear that I am not Ellen DeGeneres.
As proof positive, I give you Twitter.com. I’ve been a Twit for a couple of months. I enjoy it. I’m finding fun people. I’m making connections. I’m growing organically and have 165 followers. I’m having a blast, but along comes Ellen. That’s right. She’s shown up at Twitter (theEllenShow), but I refuse to let it start again.
Here is how you can tell us apart.
|Following||179||12||Her 12 are the stock Twitter preloads. I picked all mine.|
|Followers||165||88,872||She only joined yesterday, too.|
|Updates||860||16||Two of her’s were “I’m about to walk on stage.” I don’t hava a stage.|
|Location||Sweet home Alabama||Glamorous Hollywood||I’m not sure, but I think her house is slightly larger than mine.|
|Job||Software jock & part-time writer.||Comedian and talk show host||Not that I’m in her show demographic, but she’s a funny woman.|
|Internet Persona||Ellen’s video about Twitter||Clearly I’m taller.|
DeGeneres is seen in millions of living rooms each week. I can be seen nightly in my living room by that creepy guy who pushes a shopping cart around the neighborhood unless I catch him again. DeGeneres is a funny, out-spoken woman with a TV show. I’m a funny, out-spoken man who owns a TV. She will probably have 100,000 followers before the weekend. I’ll probably not have 200. I hope you’re seeing the subtle differences.
Surely, this clarifies that I am not Ellen DeGeneres. We’re not even close in weight. She totally copied my Twitter handle though. The “the” prefix is a dead give-away. Please do not make my Twitter life an extension of my real life by confusing me with Ellen DeGeneres. I’m on the internet to escape this sort of thing.