Massive Christmas Decorations and Tom Cruise Carols


I’ve gone all out with the Xmas decorations this year. The house is ablaze with holiday cheer. The electricity is flowing and the meter is spinning wildly. I dread the January utility bill, but it’s Xmas and it only comes once a year.

This year, the whole family is coming over for caroling. We’ll be singing the traditional tunes, but with the alternative lyrics I wrote. If you’re interested in starting a new holiday tradition like us, you can find the lyrics here. Some say these are a little obsessive, but this year they are perfect. The new Tom Cruise abortion, Valkyrie is vomiting on movie screens nationwide this Xmas Day so why shouldn’t I profit from that little trolls so-called acting skills.

Why do I loathe all things Cruise? It’s really simple. People who are so absolutely full of their own shit need a constant reminder that they are human. Tommy acts like such a pompous jackass with his I-know-better-than-you-because-I-read-Dianetics-and-forked-over-an-obscene-amount-of-cash-to-the-“church”-of-Scientology attitude, he just needs a few reminders that, indeed, his shit does stink. When he started spewing his special brand of holier-than-thou, I-got-thousands-of-children-off-medications bullshit last year, I had to throw a shoe through my television.

So, yes, I loathe Tom Cruise and Scientology and bullshit in general. You are more than welcome to join in the holiday cheer with the alternative carol lyrics. Pour some egg-nog, put on your sun glasses and I’ll fire up the stunning Xmas lights. Here’s a photo of my massive decorations this year. Prepare to be stunned.

This stunning display of holiday cheer won 2nd place in the neighborhood decoration contest
This stunning display of holiday cheer won 2nd place in the neighborhood decoration contest

Merry Xmas to all and to all a good, Tom-Cruise-less night. Please don’t buy a ticket to Valkyrie. Your nonattendance of this film will count as your gift to me this year.

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2 Comments

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  1. LOLOLO I just had this photo emailed to me the other day. You don’t fool me me pretend Scrooge, LOL.

    I never was a TOM fan, even when everyone was going gagga over him in the pre-brainwashed days.

  2. Damn, I was all excited with visions of a Griswold Family Christmas at the Barefoot residence. Still, I bet that clusterball of lights is a beautiful sight all lit up at night.

    As for Tom Cruise, he tends to bounce up and down on my last working nerve with his repetetive breathing in and out. I saw him once when Nicole Kidman was shooting scenes for Billy Bathgate in my hometown. He looked like a pompous ass, and he’s short.

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