A Couple Things for Halloween


Hey! It’s almost Halloween so let’s dredge up the dead. Here’s something I wrote that turned out to be a decent performer. The funny thing is I wrote it as an indirect response to a call that Associated Content was doing. The stream of constant gift lists was grating on my last nerve that year so I wrote this as satire about the drones churning them out. It stands on its own as something fun to read. Top Ten Gift Ideas for Zombies. You know they are coming back…for the holidays. You don’t want to donate your brain, so buy them this! » Read the rest. It’s the best. »

Do you believe? Do you want to believe? I believe I will have a nap. All things paranormal, supernatural, or extrasensory escape me. If you are frightened unto bed wetting this All Soul’s Eve, why not hire someone who can do something about your embarrassing fears? Who ya gonna call? Certainly not Ghostbusters. Call the Anti-Psychic. That’s me. I come highly recommended by former mattress soakers across the land. Here are some testimonials.

“theBarefoot made the monster under my bed go live in my sister’s room. Then he took a nap in mommy’s bed with mommy” ~ Little Timmy, age 7, Lick Skillet, AL

“I tried every New Age trick in the book, but nothing worked. Thank the goddess theBarefoot could pencil me into his busy schedule. My home is now specter free and the only reminder I have is that huge, warm indentation in my couch.” ~ Rainbow, age 28, Spray, OR

“My ghost are gone and my pantry is empty. Now if I could only get theBarefoot’s odor out of my house.” ~ Mark, age 52, Danville, VA

“I’ve had to hang up my hockey mask. Why bother with theBarefoot around?” ~ Jason, Age 30, Camp Crystal Lake, CA

Since embarking on my new career, I’ve helped hundreds rid their homes and lives of goblins, ghosts, ghouls, and groceries. So what are you waiting for? I’m the Anti-Psychic for Hire. Are you haunted by ghosts? Does unexplainable fear run your life? Are supernatural powers out to get you? Hire the Anti-Psychic today and reclaim your life if not your sofa. » Read the rest. It’s the best. »

P.S. For y’all Associated Content writers, I’ve updated both the PV Converter (2.5) and the Word Stripper (1.4). Don’t say I didn’t get you anything for Halloween. If you stop by the homestead this Halloween, I’ve got lots of candy for you neighborhood hoodlums. Thanks to some last minute shopping at the Dollar Store, I have tons of 3 Moosekaters, N&N’s, and Snaker’s Bars. Happy Halloween!

Advertisements

2 Comments

Add yours →

  1. Your “Zombies” article is a classic. Happy Halloween!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: