Advice · humor · Life · stupid

Christopher Columbus Must Own My Bank


Last year, I wrote a satirical piece entitled, Columbus Day: The Ultimate Celebration for Slackers. I took a lot of liberty with history when writing it and I come back today to set the record straight.

In my original article, I stated “Even after screwing up Columbus had a job for life.” This is not an accurate statement. Columbus was set for life monetarily, but his job was yanked out from under him in 1500. Columbus was put on trial for his brutal treatment of the natives in Hispaniola. He did some time, paid a fine and retired to Spain a wealthy man.

The gold he had wasn’t enough though. Columbus sued for 10% of the Spanish income from the Americas. He lost. After his death, his family sued again and lost again. This proves my supposition that even screwed up slackers can still be cruel, greedy bastards. Any way, slack off and enjoy the best bogus holiday of the year. In light of the recent banking and mortgage disasters, what better way to celebrate than commemorating a moron who died thinking he sailed to Asia.

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5 thoughts on “Christopher Columbus Must Own My Bank

  1. I’ll slack and enjoy. I’ll start by reading that article of yours (or reread it if I’m having brain fuzz and memory loss). The older I get, the more excuses I find to just…enjoy things. Wish I’d learned that when I was younger.

  2. Given the current trend in politics to reward the greedy, lazy, and stupid, no wonder this holiday is still being kept alive in the US. The more things change, the more they remain the same!

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