Slowly becoming metro-sexual


My wife looks 20 years younger than she is. Her secret? She rarely spends time in the sun and therefore has really great skin. She also has an obsession with skin care products.

At any given moment she has a dozen different brands of make up and moisturizers. Why she has so much make up I’ll never know. The sun-aversion thing means she doesn’t get out much. Which also means she doesn’t have many girlfriends and I’m her de-facto giggle-pal. This is all fine until she wants to share her latest makeup find.

Damn it woman! I’m not going to try that lip-gloss. Now if you put it on, I’ll enjoy it vicariously via a kiss, but I’m not your girlfriend. I will not put on that eye shadow. I will not play Barbie dress-up with you. And I will not moisturize. Not until last night.

I was doing some yard work yesterday. Then I had to run an unexpected errand. Then I fixed a late supper. Then, dirty and exhausted, I told my wife, “I’m going to run take a shower.” Translation, “I’m going to groan as I get out of the recliner and drag my big butt into the bathroom and stand under the water for a good long soak.”

I traversed all the products lining the tub and got under a nice warm stream of re-vitalizing H2O. I wasn’t in my usual morning rush and curiosity got the better of me. That “Spin Spa” brush looked mighyt curious. If you don’t know, the “Spin Spa” is a battery-powered, multi-attachment, rotating, long-handled device. It has one of those puffy, body-wash applicators and a variety of brushes. I figured “What the hell? I’ll give it a try.”

The body wash was fine, but those puffy things aren’t made for a good face wash. As I reached for an old-fashioned washcloth, one of the other bush attachments caught my eye. It was laying next to a tub of “First-pressed olive oil exfoliante.” Oddly, the container was the exact size of the brush head. Snap off the puffy. Snap on the exfoliating brush. Holy Venus, goddess of beauty, this is what I’ve been missing? The guy staring back from the mirror was glowing.

By Jove, here are more interesting products on the vanity. What is Omega-3? Who knows, but it sure feels good on my face. I didn’t realize my skin was dry until I moisturized. But that’s where I draw the line. No make up. No hair products.

When did looking like you just got out of bed and forgot to comb your hair become a style? My hair looks like that every morning without any work. I’m not spending 15 minutes trying to look like some emo kid in a magazine. Besides, if I’m running late, a hat only takes 2 seconds to put on.

So the lessons for today are:

  • Hat does not equal shower
  • Exfoliating feels wonderful
  • You have to draw the line somewhere
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10 Comments

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  1. Mmmm, but have you tried exfoliating and then moisturizing your callousy feet? Once you do that, you’ll never go back to horned toes and thick-skinned heals.

  2. Oddly, my heels, which I thought would be my problem area, weren’t bad at all. For all my lack of skin attention, I’m not too terribly ashy.

  3. Wait until she takes you for a pedicure, you’ll love it! :)

  4. Oh, giggle giggle. I can’t wait.

  5. I’m proud of you. Ask her if she thinks you should get waxed anywhere. It could solidify your bond forever.

  6. Oh hell to the no, Abarclay. God and my Anglo-Irish genes blessed me with the perfect balance of body hair. Nothing waxy is getting even close.

  7. Oh yeah, red clay mud pack! Talk about full body moisture.

  8. Catherine, I live in Alabama. Every day is a red clay day.

  9. The husband recently asked me why the skin on my ass is smoother than his. I replied with one word: exfoliate. Everywhere. Once a week. The whole body. Bad skin is bad. Therefore it should leave. Exfoliate. Try it. You’ll like it. I’ll like it.

    Okay, so that was more than one word. But by god, his ass is now smoother.

  10. With the 70s and 80s back in style, I just loving vintage clothing from the thrift shops. You can find designers like Chanel and Armani for cheap there. Ebay is great too!

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