The Last MySpace Holdout


A few weeks back, I was stomping around the French Quarter with my cousins.  I was pointing out interesting architecture and giving general history lessons to my cousin’s three boys.  Street medians are called divisions in New Orleans.  Earth-shattering stuff like that.

We passed a woman using a public phone.  Without changing my tour-guide tone I said, “And that boys is the last woman on earth who doesn’t own a cell phone.”  There but for the grace of God, go I.

Sometimes I feel like the last person on earth without a MySpace account.  Pros and cons aside, it has become a matter of pride, a test of wills.  I feel the pressure.  Every page says I’m already in their “extended network.”  I’m so close I can smell ’em.

I don’t genuinely hate MySpace.  It is a source of endless entertainment to see the lousy layouts, dancing widgets, and general disarray of some pages.  Sometimes I wonder if there is a contest running that requires your MySpace page to have as much crap as possible stuffed into it.  Is there a prize for putting pink text on top of heart-strewn wallpaper?  There must be bonus points for giving the reader a seizure with blinking widgets.

The only thing left that makes me want to join MySpace is the building urge to show people what a decent webpage looks like.  But who am I kidding?  You can’t argue rationally with someone with Hello Kitty stamped all over their page.  Argh!  It makes me want to drink before 5PM.

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13 Comments

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  1. Yes, in fact, there is a contest for creating the most eye-annoying wallpaper. Come over to the dark side, it’s not so bad.

  2. Are there cookies, Jenn? Last time I was tempted, I was promised cookies.

  3. I literally joined this site TODAY, and I can summarize my activity like this: I posted a couple rants, and created a custom header. Don’t get me wrong, that’s GOOD, SOLID stuff, but what I’m most amazed by, is how freaking funny you people are. And by “you people”, I mean any and all funny blogs I’ve come across under the “humor” sub-heading.

    It’s fabulous and refreshing.

    Thank you for existing.

    -Romi

  4. This is so true. I nearly had a seizure when I was looking at a friends Myspace the other day – it was so overloaded with hearts and butterflies and kittens. I passed out briefly and when I came to, my eyes were crossed. I don’t have a Myspace either. But if I did, I’m going to make it as obnoxious as possible just to give a little payback.

  5. Back away from the keyboard Abaclay. Your brain and MySpace could be deadly.

  6. Heather Shockney July 9, 2007 — 15:34

    I love changing my background with my moods lol. But I would never have one of those make you go into seizures flashy ones. Come on Randy join us in our myspace addictions. It won’t hurt one bit:)

  7. freaking hilarious and I don’t care if I spelled it wrong. Yeah, I have to say that I’m from the dark side, I use it to keep in touch with family and friends.

    I also like checking up on unsigned bands and artist.

    Come on over, there’s more than just eye blurring graphics.

  8. I thought *I* was the last person on the net to get a MySpace account. (I just opened mine last week!) Hmmm… another record slipped through my hands!

    Great article!

  9. I have been at LiveJournal for more than five years. I am at MySpace.com just because I feel I have to be. I have sadly neglected my WordPress presence.

    But I am a BIG fan of Vox.

    Nice to see you back!

  10. The Dark Side is currently offering sugar cookies. They ran out of peanut butter.

    The coding you see when you make changes to your page isn’t pretty either. I signed up for the sole purpose of seeing what my teenage son was up to on it, and have discovered a lot of unsigned bands.

  11. Oh, but apparently the really bad sites can temporarily render you unable to type your own name correctly. Think I’ll step away from the keyboard now.

  12. Trish is right, there are cookies, sometimes brownies :)

  13. I had a brownie once. I remember it like it was yesterday…
    add swirly visual effect and your own imagination.

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