Advice · funny · Life · marriage · sex

The perfect excuse for not having sex

This is why my wife is the most brilliant person on the planet.  She invented the perfect excuse for not having sex.  What’s more, I love her all the more for not having sex with me.  I’m feeling ten feet tall because of it.

Ladies, forget the headache excuse.  Here is the secret.

Sweetie, I love you, but you’re just too big.  You’re a little too long, but the girth is the kicker.  It hurts.  Can we just cuddle?

Now tell me, wouldn’t your man love to hear that?  He’ll be skipping down the street like a 10 year old girl, knocking on doors, telling the neighbors.  Give it a try.  You’ll get some rest.  He’ll get a lift.  He won’t even care that he didn’t get laid.

I love it when a plan comes together.  Wait…what?…hey!…Honey!…We need to talk.


7 thoughts on “The perfect excuse for not having sex

  1. Hey wait a minute, my wife tried that excuse on me only what she said was “Honey I know it’s not that long and we all know that size doesn’t matter. What scares me though is the diameter and the bore. That’s got to be at least a 50 caliber cannon you got there and well I’m just afraid of the collateral damage if that thing goes off, not to mention my hip displacia. What’ll I do if I accidentally get locked in the position? How am I gonna explain that to the paramedics?”. Needless to say, I’ve got to give her the benefit of the doubt as I haven’t seen the thing in awhile, (Well, there was that one day a few months ago when the little turtle head popped out saw his shadow and ran back inside).

  2. Brilliant! Let’s not forget “Honey it’s just that you last for long and we both have such long and busy schedules ahead of us tomorrow. Couldn’t we just skip it and get some rest?”

  3. Your husband hates sex for the same reasons that women start hating sex.
    You both have built up so much baggage (emotional) baggage the he feels manipulated when you want it and when he wants it you really could care less.
    He denys sex to you because he feels you have done the same to him.
    The problem is that once a man learns to live without sex we are actually better at it than women.
    We do not need the emotional connection that women do. It is strictly physical.
    So once the withdrawls are over tough.

    1. Thank you for your comment that:
      a. made little sense.
      b. I’m a straight dude so I don’t have a husband.
      c. “Couldn’t care less” the phrase is “couldn’t care less”. “Could care less” makes absolutely no sense.

      Thanks for stopping by.

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