customer non-service · MCI · rant

Please MCI, Kill Me Now


MCI keeps calling me every two hours with a recorded message. Sure it gets me out of the recliner and some semblance of exercise, but I don’t have their service.

“Dear MCI customer, the credit card tied to your account is about to expire. (click).” After the fifth call, I listen long enough to write down the 800-call-back number. I call back and realize what a big mistake that was. Crappy on-hold music for 30 minutes just to get India. At least this operator had been through some decent language training and has an accent I can understand. This is the actual conversation:

“Yes, I’d like to be removed from your auto-dialer. I don’t have your services and would like you to stop calling me.”

“Yes sir. Can you confirm your account number.”

“Um…no. Like I said, I don’t have your services, so I don’t have an account.”

“Can you verify the last four digits of you social security number?”

“Why? What good would that do? I don’t have an account with you. You can’t look up something you don’t have. What good would giving you my personal information do?”

“Well then sir, can you verify your billing address?”

“OK. How simple can I make this? I don’t have service with MCI and just want your auto-dialer to stop calling me. Here is the telephone number. Just remove it from your system.”

“Sir unless you can verify your personal information, I will be unable to process your request.”

“How can you look up something your don’t have? You obviously think I’m someone else. Just tell me who you think I am so I can say I’m not him. Then take me off the auto-dialer.”

“I can’t process your request unless you can verify your personal information. Transferring you to my supervisor or boss won’t do any good unless you can verify the information.”

“I didn’t ask to be transferred. Just take the phone number I’ve given you and pass it along to someone who can take it out of the auto-dialer so your computer stops calling me every two hours. How hard is that?”

“We will have someone call you back, sir. They can then verify your information and process your request.”

“OK.” (click)


What you can take from this rant:

  1. You can’t verify what you don’t have
  2. You can’t talk to India and expect to get any help.
  3. If you call MCI you will be on hold for at least 30 minutes.
  4. At the end of the call, you will want to commit suicide.

MCI, stop calling me. I’m not your customer. I don’t care if someone you can’t identify is about to have an expired credit card. Screw them for taking your service in the first place. They deserve it.


4 thoughts on “Please MCI, Kill Me Now

  1. Another excellent rant and rave by my favorite rant and raver. I’m looking for the line of stars so I can vote on this stuff. It ain’t just MCI, I’ve got people calling me about government grants, credit cards with 25% interest rates and all sorts of rediculous stuff. I have to keep reminding them that I am indeed on the “national do not call list” but somehow it’s hard to convey that message to an automaton. Your comment about waiting on hold to be put through to India was a riot. I don’t know if you’ve seen CBS’s new pilot for The Pandits but if not you’ve got to see it. It was the first thing that came to mind when I read that. You can watch it on Youtube. It’s hysterical. I really miss seeing you on A/C. In my opinion you are the best comedy writer they had. I would love to someday publish a real paper book with humor content by Me, yourself, Alan Jackson, Phil Dotrie, Lee, and some others. I think it would be hysterical.

  2. I made a typo earlier. I meant to say “The Papdits” which are much funnier that the Pandits. If you search for the Pandits you will just be confused. If you search for “The Papdits” you may still be confused but you will laugh your ass off.

  3. I hate dealing with foreign tech support! First off, I can’t understand them and they can’t understand me. This is one reason I no longer shop with Dell.

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