Change for America: A Few Things I’d like to See Barack Obama Change

Ah! Morning in America. Why do I feel like I need coffee and lots of it for the next 4 years? The American voter has spoken. “We want change!” is the cry. OK, change this. Make the Federal government more efficient. Cut the fat and excise the bloat.

There is a great piece of artwork called Death & Taxes. It’s a real eye-opener possibly better than your triple-shot, extra-foam, cappuccino. After taking a look, I decided there are a few things that need changing.

Do get health insurance and the tobacco corporations out of each others pockets. Why don’t health insurance companies pay for smoking cessation drugs/programs. I’ve never been able to figure this one out. Smoking costs health insurance companies millions of dollars every year, but they won’t pay for preventative medicine. What kind of pictures are in the vault at Altria headquarters? Some really raunchy stuff from the Humana Xmas party, I assume.

Do away with the Department of Education. Cut my taxes that go to support the DoEd so I can happily pay them to my local schools. No child left behind. Are you kidding me? Washington mandates this junk and doesn’t send near enough money to pay for it. Let the locals handle their own. Besides, I know a kid or two that needs to be left behind or at least dropped off at the vo-tech.

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Just a few thoughts on change.

Wednesday Morning Election Quarterbacking on Monday

Whether you agree with Obama’s ideas or not, you have to admit, he brought something to this year’s campaign that is the key to getting elected for any office. He brought enthusiasm. He infected the populace with enthusiasm. Early voter turnout is higher than any election in history. I offer this as evidence that people are enthusiastic about voting this year. I say, “people,” but I really mean Democrats. ¹

Most of the early voters supposedly have been Democrats voting for Obama. Republican early voting is about the same as in past years. The logical conclusion is Democrats are enthusiastic about the election while Republicans have a very “Meh?” attitude. The attitude of Republican voters can be attributed to the fact they were given their fifth-string choice by their party’s primary process. How can you get excited about your candidate when you really didn’t want him eight months ago?

Pollsters and pundits are still saying the race is close. However, while Republicans are sitting home Tuesday grumbling about how they really wanted Romney, Huckabee or even Ron Paul, Democrats will turn out in record numbers. If you go vote, be prepared for the hoard of zombie-like Democrats surrounding the polls and chanting, “Change. Change. Change.”

It doesn’t matter what Obama’s policies are. It doesn’t matter where he might take us. It isn’t about idealism, practicalism, or any other -ism. It’s just about the common man being fed up, as usual, with politics as usual. Apparently we just want change, what ever that change might be. The candidate who can effectively promise any kind of change can generate enthusiasm. Enthusiasm makes people go vote. That is the fact. Throw around whatever -ism you want, in the end, it’s all about the -asm…enthusiasm about the untenable; orgasm about the candidate; the spasm to vote.

My election day wish is, “May we all get the change we deserve.” Whether you vote or not is not my concern. Hell, I may just write in Ron Paul.

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¹ Democrat [dem-uh-krat]: a sub-genome of the zombie race bent on universal health care therefore ensuring your brain is nice and juicy when they come to eat it.

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Decisions Decisions or Why I want to Go to the Denver Circus

I have a choice to make. TV has replaced religion as the opiate of the masses and I’m one of the masses. I have to make decision whether to watch the unending coverage of the Democratic National Convention from Denver or Lewis Black’s “Root of All Evil.” Tonight’s “Root” is “Red States v. Blue States” so it’s appropriate and confusing.

Do I flick back and forth? Do I depend on my “last channel” button? God no! They’ve pre-programmed that thing to bring up random channels designed to infiltrate my foil hat. Press it often enough and the photons will have you singing Liza Minelli tunes. There is only one decision to make here…Do you like clowns? If you do, don’t watch Lewis Black. He has a brain, but oddly is a Democrat.

Where we really all need to be is the circus. Popcorn, cotton candy, giant peanuts, giant hats, screaming children…you know, the circus. I’m locking my TV on the convention (yes, I wrapped my antenna in foil) so I can see the spectacle that is democracy, at least, as far as the bylaws of the DNC provide. You know they have as much accountability as your local Kiwanis Club or VFW? Sorry, that’s a big bubble to burst.

Thank God for DVR. Oh, did I say He’d been replaced? No, He just got better. Then he smote us with a mighty smote. But then again, we didn’t accept his latest prophet, so we deserved it.

This is just a perspective from behind the Good Morning America barricades where this was filmed.

Nancy Pelosi’s Innovative Solution to Save Energy

On Friday, August 1, 2008, the GOP House minority was calling for a vote to allow new off-shore drilling or at least a debate on the question. Pelosi instead called for an adjournment vote. The vote was 213-212 to adjourn for a 5-week vacation. The CSPAN cameras were turned off, the lights in the House were extinguished, and the GOP staged a sit-in. When Capital police tried to clear the press gallery, GOP Representatives intervened.

Pelosi’s act sets an example for the rest of the nation. We must save energy since we’re not going to look for new sources of oil. What lessons do we learn from Pelosi’s example?

If you don’t like the conversation, just leave.
Don’t like the topic? Think you might lose the argument? Already have your …

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Clinton v. Obama. Are They the Same Candidate?

I jumped into a forum debate about the 600 pound gorilla of the Democratic primary. What’s different about Clinton and Obama. It certainly seems like their policies are pretty close. From that seed, I spun up my latest Associated Content piece, Clinton v. Obama. Are They the Same Candidate?

She’s white. He’s black.
Obama is married to a black woman and he is only half-black. Clinton is married to a white man who cheated on her half the time, probably with some black women.

Advantage: Obama. Bill is more baggage than asset.

It follows this format and devolves pretty quickly. Hope you enjoy and let me know you stopped by.

Barack Obama is Leaving the Democratic Party

I think I’m the first one to break this story. I’ve been following recent developments in the Obama campaign and have discovered that Barack Obama is forming his own political party. I’ve detailed the events that lead up to this in my latest Associated Content article,
Fainting on the Barack Obama Campaign Trail Increasing. Miraculous Healing Wonders Now Reported. What a scoop!

I Wish it Could Always Be This Way

I’ve hit a minor stride with my Associated Content submissions. I wish I could be more consistent, but life gets in the way. My latest article, “I’m Voting for Hillary Clinton Because She is a Woman,” came after a conversation I had with a very nice , but oblivious, young lady. I rarely do political pieces, but this one turned out more historical than political. Of course, the manager at AC didn’t see it that way and gave me the stock “We don’t often pay for op-ed…” OK, I can buy that. The first paragraph was opinion. Since they don’t read much past the first paragraph, if even that, I’m fine with that assessment. I didn’t do the job they wanted. I still think it is a good article.

The really strange thing is despite the rejection, the manager changed the title by adding “false logic” to the end. I don’t know why the bother when they aren’t going to pay for it. I guess they think they’re making it more findable, but in this case they didn’t. They just telegraphed the subtitle. If I had selected to re-submit for bonus-only payments, the title would have stuck. It would have also delayed the publication by several days. Today’s tip: for declined articles that you want to submit for bonus-only, copy the article into a new template. This ensures that it publishes immediately and takes the risk of one of those silly managers from warning you about re-submitting the rejected article. Yes. That happens.

I got to looking at my Associated Content library. For someone who is know as a humorist, I haven’t written a humor article there since “How to Kill Weeds, Flowers and Your Lawn” on 5 Aug 2007. It’s funny how many hits that gets. The “kill weeds” part shows up on Google with great frequency. I can only imagine how POed people are when they find it has little advice in the way of weed killing. But it stands as proof that a good title will bring the clicks.

Here’s to hoping I feel funny again soon. After doing research into the current presidential candidates platforms, I’m really not feeling funny. I’m down right mad at most of them. I’ll write something on that topic soon.

Advanced Apologies

I don’t know what the Associated Content publishing software is up to, but let me apology for their crazy system.  It is putting characters in the articles that don’t exist.

My last article published, If You Were President, Where Would You Stand on These Issues?, with several mysterious extra characters that I couldn’t erase.  “solved.” became “sloved.ved.” and there was another extra “e.” somewhere along the way.

Makes me look retarded, but I don’t need AC’s help in that area.  I hope they get their act together soon.

As for the article itself, a big thank you to Carol Gilbert for leading me to the on-line quiz.  It’s a fun way to get your political dander up.  Maybe even a little eye-opening.  As always, your comments are appreciated.

Sweet Relief

I’m so glad that the current political season is over. If I had to listen to one more ad, I was going to swerve my car over into oncoming traffic. I was just about to reflect on the election results when Pelosi opened her big mouth and ruined it for everyone. >> read the rest, it’s the best >>