Huntsville, Alabama: Mugging Results in 3 Arrests

Category: Stupid Criminals.

Huntsville police arrived at a robbery scene early Friday to arrest a suspect but ended up arresting the victim and a witness, too. >> Read Full Story >>

Around 6:40AM on March 15, 2008, 43-year-old Walter McLin flagged down a patrol car and told the cops he had been robbed at gun point.  After speaking to a witness, the police arrested 31-year-old Stepheon White at a near-by motel and charged him with first-degree robbery.

Upon further questioning, McLin was charged second-degree theft for the $900 forged check in his possession.  Police then became suspicious of the witness’ identity and charged him with filing a false statement because he lied about his name.  It turned out the witness had good reason to lie because he had multiple, outstanding warrants.

All three men are currently enjoying the hospitality of the Madison County metro jail.

This story only supports the old adage, “There is no honor among thieves.”  It also highlights the fact that if you are going to be a criminal, try not to hang out with other criminals.  One thief may be stupid, but the power of stupidity rises exponentially with each additional criminal brain.

Kansas Woman Recovering from 2 Year Toilet Squat

Category: WTF News

All the answers to your burning questions about the woman from Ness City, Kansas who sat on a toilet seat so long, her butt became one with the porcelain.

Yes. There was a second bathroom in the house.
No. She didn’t sit constantly, but long enough.
Yes. She was abused as a child, but not by her boyfriend.
No. No charges are pending at this time.
Yes. She may spend the rest of her life in a wheelchair due to the damage to her leg nerves.

And finally, yes. This couple does not appear to be the sharpest tools in the shed. According to the sheriff, “The unfortunate thing is this truly is a case of two people, in my opinion, with diminished mental capacity.”

“The house was cluttered but not in shambles,” he [Sheriff Wipple] said. “The smell was overpowering - a terrible smell about the house, obviously coming from where she was at.”

McFarren, 36, told police his girlfriend, Pam Babcock, 35, had a phobia about leaving the bathroom and may not have left the bathroom in two years, although he’s unsure how long she was in there because “time just went by so quick I can’t pinpoint how long.” He said beatings she received in her childhood caused her phobia. >> Read the Full Story >>

Next time someone tells you to “Shit or get of the pot,” take that sage advice to heart. I’m glad that’s settled and now we can focus on the real news again. I hear there may be a puppy with his head stuck in a bucket in Peoria, Illinois. Stay tuned.

Woman Sits on Toilet for 2 Years

Category: WTF News: Woman Sits on Toilet So Long, It Has to be Surgically Removed.

NESS CITY, Kan. - Deputies said a woman in western Kansas sat on her boyfriend’s toilet for two years, and they’re investigating whether she was mistreated.

Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said a man called his office last month to report that something was wrong with his girlfriend. >> full story…

It appears their was no abuse or restraints involved. Her boyfriend brought her food and water and everyday asked her when she was coming out. After two years, he finally called police. She wasn’t cooperative with the cops, who had to use a pry bar to remove her and the seat together. She wasn’t cooperative with the hospital staff, who had to surgically separate her skin from the porcelain.

She sat for two years on a toilet until her butt was welded in place. No one is sure what mental illness she suffers from, yet. The real question is why it took two years before the boyfriend had enough of his girlfriend squatting at his pad.

Barack Obama is Leaving the Democratic Party

I think I’m the first one to break this story. I’ve been following recent developments in the Obama campaign and have discovered that Barack Obama is forming his own political party. I’ve detailed the events that lead up to this in my latest Associated Content article,
Fainting on the Barack Obama Campaign Trail Increasing. Miraculous Healing Wonders Now Reported. What a scoop!

Associated Content Steps Up Plagiarism Checks

Associated Content allows contributors to submit articles for both review and immediate publication. With either submission type, more so with the un-reviewed, plagiarism is always a problem. This is true of any site. If VentureBeat is on target, Associated Content has just raised the stakes for those unscrupulous people who would rip-off a legitimate author’s work.

VentureBeat reports that AC has added Attributor software to their process to scan the web for plagiarized articles. Unfortunately, many contributors use articles that they have previously put on the web as re-publish fodder for AC. This becomes a sticky situation for software that only matches chucks of text.

In the past, some AC contributors have been on the receiving end of nasty-grams from AC when their old articles were detected by their current plagiarism-detection software. When the bylines didn’t match, it became a non-starter for the publication of the material at AC. There have also been cases where the bylines matched perfectly, but AC’s over-protective software still flagged the article and the author still got the hassle-gram.

An article submitted to AC for payment consideration will obviously be subject to plagiarism scanning, but it is unclear if/how AC intends to implement this for other articles. Most of the articles that have created the accusations of plagiarism in the past were submitted under AC’s non-reviewed, bonus-only payment program. One wonders if AC will police its contributions on a regular basis regardless of review. Maybe a periodic scan of all recently published articles in the works. This writer welcomes such a policy. It only takes a few unethical people to make an entire community look like crooks.

On a related note, AC recently published new photo-use guidelines.  There has been no end to confusion of correct use of photos to compliment an article.  Many people just pull photos from anywhere on the web without regard to copyright.  AC took recent steps to limit and/or strip suspect and improperly cited photos from their site.  The new guidelines don’t address every source of free photos, but make it clear that just finding a picture on the web isn’t a valid reason for using it.

Fractured Islam?

Category: WTF? World News.

Poor Gillian Gibbons. If you haven’t heard this one, you’re in for a double-shot, espresso eye-opener. Gillian Gibbons, a British citizen teaching in Sudan, was sentence to 15 days in jail and deportation. Her crime? She let her elementary class name the class mascot, a teddy bear, Mohamed.

This has set off a chain of events that include:

• The British ambassador’s apology to the Sudanese government
• Statements from British Muslim groups decrying the sentence
• Relief by some that she wasn’t given a harsher sentence which included 40-lashes
• Riots in Khartoum demanding that she be put to death

The newest factionalization of Islam is at hand and the players are lining up geographically. Historically, Eastern and Western minds have drastically different views of the world and this proves Islam is not immune.

Western Muslims, like those in Britain, are baffled by the verdict. Some groups have issued statements requesting clemency for Gibbons. Eastern Muslims, like those in Sudan, are equally baffled. Some of them are demonstrating that the punishment isn’t harsh enough. They are even demanding Gibbons’ execution.

Clearly, religion is only one component shaping one’s view of the world. Customs adopted from the local society, read “country”, frame our image of the world. With that as a disclaimer, I’ll freely admit to being of a Western mindset. In turn, I’m appalled at the verdict. I’m even more enraged that Gibbons was even charged.

What kind of law, civil or religious, makes naming a teddy bear a capital offense? One of the ironic twist of the story is the Sudanese ambassador is named Omer Mohammed Ahmed. You can name a person after Mohamed, but not a teddy bear? My Western brain is spinning on “WTF?”

You know what? I’ve just named my slong Mohamed. That’s right. Henceforth, you must refer to my wedding tackle as Mohamed. If you add, “Piece be upon him,” that would be great. As I type this, I know there is an offended Muslim somewhere who is getting a fatwa issued against my faithless action. I fully expect to be scooped off the street in a windowless van, only to have my lifeless body, possibly sans-Mohamed, tossed on the side of the highway. That kind of rational behavior always converts the infidel.

Bring it on. This ain’t Sudan. Here we have the 2nd Amendment. You guys in the van are in for a surprise. In addition to little Mohamed actually being my package, big Mohamed is packing. In the East versus West game of Rock-Paper-Scissors, bullet beats fatwa every time.

Tune in next week when we’ll play “Name My Nuts.” Your advanced suggestions are welcomed.

Is that a Chinese Rocket in Your Pocket?

Chinese Missile Destroys Satellite: Results in 38-Satellite Pile-Up in Polar Orbit

After inventing gunpowder, you would think the Chinese could do a better job launching a missile and blowing up a satellite. World governments’ reactions vary and the literal fallout is unknown. Last week, China destroyed a satellite with an earth-launched missile. U.S. government officials have confirmed the test that promises to undermine the sneakers-for-dollars relationship that has been so carefully cultivated between East and West. Read the rest. It’s the best »

CBS Evening News Loses its Mind

All I can say is, “Wow!” A jaw-dropping, head-spinning, jowl-shaking “Wow!”

I thought my satirical piece on the alleged gas price conspiracy was so completely out there that no one could possibly believe such drivel. Leave it to the internet public to prove me wrong. The comments that the article received were unbelievable.

Here is a typical comment that was posted under the articles incarnation at Gather.com.

“Look into it. $10-20 per barrel is from speculation. Since dereg[ulation] over the counter and spot trades are not recorded. Hence billions of dollars are pumped into the oil market by buyers intentionally unknown. Now, who has the pockets and motive to keep the oil spec[ulation] market artificially high? What industry is wallowing in cash and would directly benifit? [sic] And who in Federal government has long ties to that industry? Connect the dots.”

Whoa! Somewhere there are always true believers. Now even the CBS Evening News is getting into the conspiracy game. . . >>read the rest>>