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Was down in the back yesterday? Naw. No one cares about a old, broken man’s lumbago.
Buttheads in Berkeley, CA banning the Marine recruiters? Naw. You heard that on the vast-right-wing-conspiracy, radio talk-shows.
My trip to the drug store? Naw. It was funny when I convinced the young lad at the register to card the lady behind me for her cans of Chef Boyardee. That laugh got me all the way to the car and I’ll get more mileage out of it at work tomorrow when I see my victim, Jill.
No. Today I think I will blog about the first time I saw my name in print. Yep. I’m “published,” as they say. Okay, it was only my name in the liner notes of a CD, but still, I couldn’t wait to show anyone who would look. Here’s the long and sordid tale.
In March 2007, it received and advance copy of Chris Berry and the Retrofitter’s Emerald River Project. Chris had approached me for a review and, never one to pass up free music, I gladly accepted. It turn out much better than the time I agreed to review Tubesock and the Magnificent Brass Band Rejects. Chris’ album was full of bluesy tracks with Western spices dashed in for a kick. The details are all in the original review. It’s a damn fine read, if I do say so myself.
Due to the aforementioned back problems, I didn’t waddle my fat ass to the mail box yesterday. As I pulled out for work this morning, I snagged a fat hand full of fliers, coupons, bills, and one fat, bubble-pack of blues. Chris had mailed the polished copy of the Emerald River Project with a message, “Read the liner notes.” There he thanks:
His lovely wife (Total assumption on my part. She may be a complete tramp if track 8 is auto-biographical.)
Some chick in Nebraska who is president of the band’s fan club. (Probably also a total tramp. You know how groupies are.)
A brilliant, insightful writer who loves music and reviewed the pre-release back in March.
There it was. My name as third banana in the “thank-yous” of the liner notes of a CD which you may or may not find in stores, but can always order directly from the artist by emailing chrisberryandtheretrofitters@hotmail.com. That started my day out perfectly. Nothing could touch me after that. I was bullet-proof. Twelve cups of coffee and five stupid users later, I was still smiling. Damn decent fellow that Berry.
Those are good, but, aren’t even the very best tracks. So order the CD by dropping an email to chrisberryandtheretrofitters@hotmail.com. I get no cut of the profits. In fact, all proceeds go to…um…saving babies…er…baby seals…yeah, that’s the ticket. Urban legends have it, every time you don’t buy a CD, a baby seal is clubbed to death. I don’t know if that’s true, but I have my copy and my conscience is clear.
Yield to the right is the rule when you arrive simultaneously. Yield to the cool is more like it when the guy on your right is in a matte-black, home restored Chevelle SS. Sweet ride if you can get it. With the window down and the shades on, he appeared to have the coolness factor sewn up. But I was in my mini-van.
We were at an impasse, but he knew he had the mojo of the redneck go-faster and my Korean van just didn’t impress him. That was the part that made me cooler. I let “shades” go first. He was Sparaticus after all. The things that made me cooler were that I knew I was cooler and I had my CD rockin’
Yielding the right-of-way to Shades’ SS….5 seconds.
Knowing The Clash is cranking…priceless.
Shades is not the Stig, but my mini-van will rollover in a tight turn so I must be careful. You decide which is best. I’m of the opinion that rolling around in something tight is the best thing that can possibly happen to you. Yield or don’t, just get home safely.
I was watching the show from the D.C. and fell out of my chair laughing.
First, I was uber-impressed at the 1812 semi-closing. I’ve been at the Mall in person when that was done and it is a sight to behold. Massive fireworks, cannons on queue, and applause, quite stirring.
But someone slipped something in sideways on the proceedings. 1812 ended, but the fireworks didn’t. How to fill the time? With Sousa’s Liberty Bell.
Why laugh? Because that is the theme to Monty Python’s Flying Circus. I’m conflicted. My patriotism is incensed, but my funny bone is rocking.
Dear Mr. Bush,
You pay little attention to details. Maybe you spend to much time stragerizing and the bread part of the circus formula goes unaddressed.
Useless Phrases that Killed Your Writing’s Impact
Even the best writer can fall prey to these killer phrases. Maybe you’re tired. Maybe you didn’t edit sufficiently. Maybe you don’t know better. These are the phrases that detract from your writing and give your article the impact of a wet noodle in lunar gravity. These are the phrases that qualify as padding in web/article writing. Learn what they are. Avoid them at all cost. Read more »
10 Essential REM Videos on Youtube
Need a pocket collection of one of the world’s best bands? Check out the essential collection of REM videos available via the mysterious magic of Youtube. There are probably a few memories in here for you. This was and AC special content request, but I had fun doing it. I wanted to do it months ago. I’m glad I waited. When AC guaranteed a minimum rate, I jumped at it. Read more »
One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you, don’t do anything at all;
Go ask Alice, when she’s ten feet tall. — “White Rabbit” Jefferson Airplane (c) 1967 Icebag Music Corp
This papa’s got a whole big brand new bag of pills to take. Not many are the happy-fun kind. Most are the you’re-getting-old kind. I was waiting for some prescriptions to be filled and knew that they had one already waiting for me. I asked the pharm tech if I could have the literature on the one that was filled. What kills wait time in the pharmacy better than reading up on the new old-guy pills you have to take?
If you hadn’t heard, I got a touch of the pancreatitis. As with any digestive disorder you may experience symptoms like bloating, gas, constipation or diarrhea. As I peruse the pharmacological literature of the enzyme replacement I’ll be taking for a while, I note the side effects may include “bloating, gas, constipation or diarrhea.”
Now I’m completely confused. I asked young pharm tech, Shelly, “How will I know if the disease is getting worse or the pills are working if the symptoms and the side effects are the same?” I fear I’ve put poor Shelly through too much during her few months on the job. I’ve never seen anyone stare in disbelief and start laughing simultaneously, but she did it. No easy feat.
It says in the prescription information, “Call your doctor if you experience any of these side effects.” Now I’m in a real pickle. Previously when I farted, I just blamed it on the dog and lit a match. Now every time I fart, I have to call my doctor to report the medication’s side effects.
My wife reminded me that according to an Oprah show she saw (so you know I’ve got my facts straight), the average person farts 14 times per day. So of course I panicked at number 15 which came by 9:30am. The doctor’s office stopped taking my calls after 27 the first day.
My doctor’s not talking to me. My dog won’t play with me. The whole Dutch Oven game was short lived and I’m sleeping on the couch. The only good news is, they moved me to a private office at work. Not a after a promotion, but after a protest lodged by my cube mates. What a fellow to do?
It was like pulling teeth to get this on-line, but with the band’s permission and AC’s audio support I was able to post Chris Berry and the Retrofitter’s 24 Hours for your consumption.
The interview with Chris was a blast. He’s a funny character with a big talent. The CD (Emerald River Project) runs the blues to reggae to western genre. If you like the cuts (another is available here) drop chrisberryandtheretrofitters at hotmail dot com a note. You can pick it up for just 10 bucks and Chris may even sign a copy for you.
The TV show Scrubs and 80’s music. This compilation uses the perfect song to back the story. You’ll get the gist from just the extract, but if you catch a rerun of this episode, take a few minutes out of your busy day.
With Berry’s permission, I posted a cut off The Emerald River Project CD at Associated Content. The track is called Run for Your Life and is reminiscent of The Band. Give it a listen. I know you’ll like it.
Berry is still shopping a label, but you can order an advanced copy by emailing chrisberryandtheretrofitters at hotmail dot com. It will be the best $10 you’ve spent in a long time. I promise. You may even get an autograph thrown in for free. That could be worth something one day.
If you haven’t read the interview, you should know that The Retrofitters are not some garage band start up. Berry is a seasoned musician with years of studio and stage time. You won’t be flushing $10 on this CD. It is better than most of the junk on store shelves at this moment.
Do yourself a favor and brighten you life with some good music.
